The Parents Role in Recruiting

In the era of the helicopter and the lawnmower parent how can you support your daughter through the recruiting process without hurting her chances of an offer from schools? Yes, it is not just your daughter that is being looked at for her talent, academics, and personality but also whether or not her family will add value to the culture of the program. How can you be supportive while letting your daughter run the show? How can you show a college coach that you will be a positive part of their program?
 
Emailing coaches: The responsibility of emailing college coaches before and after tournaments is your daughters. She will need guidance and an editor while she writes the email, but it needs to come from her account with her name at the bottom. If I receive an email from a parent on their daughter’s behalf it shows me right away where I am on that player’s list of priorities. If the player does not have the time to write me an email, then I will not waste my time writing “her” or her parents back.
 
 
Going on Recruiting Visits:
 
1. Let your daughter take the lead. As a parent you need take a back seat role the entire visit. She is the one looking to go to the school and be a part of the program. She needs your support, but also needs the opportunity to get to know the coach and school.
 
2. I am willing to bet A LOT of money that near the end of the visit the coach will ask you as the parent if you have any questions. Try your best to save your questions until then so your daughter can really take in the experience. With your questions, try to focus on the school itself and not the softball program. Safety, academic support for athletes, and life on campus are all great questions for parents to ask. Let your daughter focus on the softball questions. If the coach is thinking about scholarship money they will bring it up. If you bring up money, it makes you look like a mercenary.
 
3. Do all the research you can on the school before you go on the visit - number of students, the city the school is located in, academic majors, etcetera. This helps to limit the amount of questions you ask on the visit to information you cannot get from other sources and allows you to focus on questions that come up during the visit.
 
4. Coaches judge you based on your family interaction. It’s a little harsh, but also the truth. How does your daughter interact with you? Does she look at you to answer all of the questions they ask? Does she struggle to come up with her own questions throughout the visit? A coach will look for how much she relies on you to function throughout the day. In the same sense, every time your daughter opens her mouth to say something are you cutting her off and talking for her? (Side note...as a pitching coach once my pitchers turn 10 I expect them to be the one contacting me to talk about how they pitched over the weekend or discussing it with me the next lesson NOT their parents. Your 17-18 year old should be able to speak for themselves!!)
5. Yes, your daughter is being recruited - but with her comes the package deal of her family. How will your family represent the school and program once your daughter is a part of it? Will you negatively represent when you wear “_______ softball” shirts or when you talk about your daughter playing at “_______ school?” When a coach makes an in game decision will you be supportive or will you be the parent in the stands running your mouth? A college softball team is a family, and when your daughter becomes part of the family you do as well. If you are going to represent that family poorly a coach will second guess welcoming you into it.
 
6. Not every visit is going to be amazing. My parents and I visited one school where the second I stepped on campus I knew it wasn’t for me, we then went through the motions of the visit and I later emailed the coach thanking them for their time and explaining that their school just wasn’t for me. There is nothing wrong with that! Sometimes your daughter will just know it isn’t the right fit for her. Be respectful of the coach’s time and be sure to help your daughter send them an email that is polite, respectful, and honest.
 
7. Support your daughter after the visit! Sit down with her and create a list of things she loved about the school and things she didn’t soon after you leave the school. When the time comes for her to make a decision between two or three schools the notes she has from right after the visit will help her make the decision. Having the “little things” about each school written down that she may have forgotten as visits begin to flow together can help with the decision making process!
 
Parents play a large role in who we are as young ladies, students, and athletes. The guidance you offer your daughter throughout her recruiting process is huge!